This Is the Way - Walk In It

I have discovered that there is no greater help in this life than a personal relationship with Jesus.
He is the savior of the universe, his father is the creator God....

Yet he STILL bends down and has unlimited time to counsel me.  He has proven to be tenderhearted toward me, even when I fail him.  God will always counsel through Spirit and Truth...  Truth being his word, and Spirit is: don't dare put him in a box because he is going to lead you the way he sees fit to deal with you!

I have discovered that God decided to speak to me plainly. The voice is not audible but I hear it in my spirit. In 1st Kings 19:12 the bible describes it as the still small voice.  When I hear it I am still amazed even though I have probably heard it more than two dozen times across an array of situations in my adult life.

I have never spoken in tongues, nor have I healed the sick because of my prayers.  I cannot play an instrument and lead people in worship even though I have longed to do that.  I questioned the Lord one day as to why he decided to speak to me in this mannor.  This question he decided to reply to, "I couldn't have gotten you any other way."

That took me into some very deep reflection.  I remember hearing his voice distinctly when I was twenty years old which was a very destructive time in my life.  What people saw of me was a girl who needed attention. A girl on drugs that loved instant gratification and the attention of men.  What people didn't see was the meditations of my heart that were hidden to all except God.

The things that would pierce and stab my heart the most during those dark years were abused children and the desire to be intimately loved and intimately known.  That's when this "Jesus" started pursuing me.  "I love you", "Your important to me", "Repent", "Those earings don't make you beautiful, it's your heart." His words were always strategically placed, when I needed them the most.

I started a journal of all my encounters with God.  At 21 I was involved in a roll over car accident. A week before the accident the Lord assured me that he was protecting me and that I would not die.  The day he said that to me I had just come out of a church where I was compelled to stand up before a congregation I did not know.  Through tears I was asking God to help me stop living a life of wickedness.

For the past 13 years his voice has directed me through many trials.  I have been delivered of many sins. Out of all the things his voice has shown me the greatest thing is that I can do NOTHING apart from him.






 

Sowing & Reaping

I wanted to write a blog about something the Lord had been showing me.  I could not think of a way to start it so I began with writing the second and third paragraphs instead.  I then decided to save the draft and run to the corner store for a soda.  When I left the store a young man was walking in.  He was dirty with huge gages in his ears. As I walked outside I noticed a young girl on foot who was obviously paired up with that young man.  They both had the big gages and looked equally disheveled. She was talking to another young woman who was sitting in a parked car.  The woman in the parked car was waiting for the driver of the car who was in the store buying cigarrettes and a case of beer behind me in line.  I noticed that the young woman in the car was shaming the girl who was pared up with the dirty young man; "Those gages in your ear will mess up your ears." And, "are you on birth control? You don't want to get pregnant with that guy."

I wondered if this girl had walked up to the young woman in the car and asked for money.  I could almost feel the girls shame as she left the car and walked across the parking lot.  It was clear to me that this woman in the car did not understand that shaming someone does not bring change.  We see so many times in the Bible that Jesus loved the sinner whom he was talking to and jumped into the person's pain with them and took the time to explain to them the better way to live.  The only times in scripture we see Jesus being consistently harsh was when he addressed the self-righteous religious people.

I believe that God wants his people to understand a spiritual law that if broken will keep his people enrobed in frustration and will hinder an abundant life. But in order for people to receive His teachings they first must understand that Jesus is not like that woman mentioned above who sat in the car shaming the outward appearance or even the sins we have hidden inside.  God brings conviction and restoration, not shame and condemnation.

The spiritual law is that of reaping and sowing. Scripture gives us so many pictures of our lives being parallel with how things grow in nature.  When we sow seeds like a farmer does, we will reap whatever seed we planted. Sow carrot seeds, reap carrots. Sow peach pits, reap a peach tree.  So it is with our lives. When we sow obedience to the scripture we know, we will then reap a harvest of blessings.  When we sow disobedience to his word, we will reap destruction.

When a farmer sows his seed he does not reap immediate results.  He must first cultivate his seeds with the proper nutrients, especially the nutrient of time.  Time requires patience on the part of the farmer.  So it is in our lives. When we start obeying the spiritual laws written out for us in the Bible we need to cultivate these seeds with faith and patience. Two days of abstaining from obsessive shopping, alcohol abuse, or a sexual addiction does not turn a planted seed into a full grown tree.  It takes time and continued faithfulness to break these addictions off our lives.

The fruit from a tree is the crowning purpose and finished product of a plant. The fruit once started as a seed that was sown. Continued trust in a good heavenly father who knows what is best for us is the only way we will see this crowning fruit in our lives. The fruit is what others can get from us to nourish and heal themselves with.  God's desire is always to produce this choice fruit in our lives.  He will even prune his peoples branches in order to produce more fruit! Pruning is usually the equivalent of having us go through trials to make us stronger and more enduring of hardship.

Let the seeds sprout, let them have their time in the ground to germinate, let them be young plants in the sun. Do not throw away the progress in your life and give up because the harvest is not yet visible.  Harvests take time and are nourished one day at a time.

"So let us not get tired of doing what is good. For at the proper time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:9

"Do not be deceived: God will not be mocked. A man will reap whatever he has sown." Galatians 6:7

"My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." Hosea 4:6

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." Isaiah 55:8

"Just Listen"

Yesterday I had the best day. I feared nothing and was walking in victorious faith, and then there was today. It was awful. I forced myself out of bed and after a Starbucks run I made it into work.  I gave my forced smiles and hello's to coworkers and started my day.  I did have that truth in the back of my mind that I am to live by faith and not my feelings. I am to believe what God says about me and where he is taking me in life and not get side tracked by my circumstances, discouraging voices of others, and my own tendency to believe lies. Knowing this got me to work this morning.

I know in the past when I forced myself to do what I am supposed to do out of obedience, that God would bless me. Today was one of those days.  A student came up to me pretty early on in the day and asked to speak with me. Normally when she needs to talk to me her countenance is discouraged and she needs some encouragement.  She is a believer and when I speak of Jesus and spiritual things she leaves our conversation encouraged. But today was different. Our roles were reversed. I was discouraged and her face was shining.  Her joy was contagious.

She told me that she had recently heard the "still small voice" of God. She said she had been upset about how her situation with her peers had been going and how the girls had been struggling with one another. She cried out to God as to what to do.

She then heard his voice, "Just Listen".  She knew he was telling her to sit and listen to them. When she obeyed his voice she was then given even greater wisdom.  He showed her different reasons why one of girls acted the way she did. It gave her more compassion for her peers as she just listened.

By this point in this young woman's conversation with me I was completely filled with faith again, ready to walk in victory and strength, without fear.  I was happy that she is now experiencing that intimacy with the Lord that he desires with all of us...but to get it we need to let go of ourselves and in humility seek him with a whole heart.  There is no doubt in my mind that if any person pursues God in this way he will take them on an adventure that will result in the salvation of peoples souls.

This morning my student became my teacher and it was affirmed that I am in the right place. I know seasons change but for now I am where I am and I'm learning to die to my perceived rights and my comfort in order to bless others.  This is so much more rewarding and exciting and more difficult (for real) than the life that I used to live.  I can only hope to mirror my teacher Jesus Christ in greater intensity as I am taken through these tests of faith.

What is my greatest flaw Lord?

My soul thirsts for you; 

my whole body longs for you. 

Psalm 63:1 

I was just telling my husband at dinner that I feel what is described in the above Psalm. I just don't have an agenda anymore. I don't want anything but Him. I want to have more kids. I want a comfortable life. I don't want trials, but none of that really matters. What matters to me at this moment is my longing to be one with Christ. To be at home with him, to learn all about him, to experience his power and great wisdom.

Yet I am in a big trial. I'm smack dab in the midst of a whopping trial.  The Bible says trials would come so I am not responding like something strange is happening to me; instead I sat on the back patio in the cool night air and stared at the stars.

And there it happened. I allowed my soul to long for him. I stared out at the majesty of his stars and allowed the tears to fall. I accepted that I am in a trial and my good father knows about it. For once in my life I embraced the trial, knowing it was in the will of God for me to suffer. But I did question! My father who formed me knows I'm too tenacious for anything less.

How long God? How long will this trial last? Then I wondered why I am am required to walk in faith and not by sight. I know that God will not waste a moment of my life. And finally, the resolution to my questioning... 

I asked him: "What is my greatest flaw Lord? What do I need to work on?"  I thought he was going to tell me to go and apologize to my husband (ahh marital bliss!) 

But I heard only one word within me, "Endurance."

Oh his majesty. His one word satisfied me. His one word proved that this trial is not in vain and he is guiding me and shaping me through it.  I've also been realizing that if his people will stay in a trial until it is finished, without bitterness, he will do things for his kingdom that will be far reaching. 

Ok Lord. My soul longs to return to you, but if that is what you require of me I will study and practice endurance -in your strength.

Thank you

endurance 

1. The measure of a person's stamina or persistence.

   He has great endurance, he ran a marathon and then rode his bicycle home.

2. Ability to endure hardship.

Let Them Fail

My son is now twelve and I have been shown an excellent parenting tip.

  My new husband has actually helped me discover this treasure.  I started to discover it on my own but didn't completely live it. Not sure why, maybe it's because giving people what they want takes no effort on my part, but resisting them does.

 I think we have raised a generation of children who have been given what they wanted and not told no very often.

Simply, here it is. Tell them NO and let them fail.  Both of these things are vital.  When we don't set boundaries that cannot be passed and tell them no they see people as objects. When they grow up parents, siblings, friends, and spouses are seen as what they can do for them, not what can be done for the other person.

When a child is rescued from every failure they never experience disappointment. Disappointment can lead us to a relationship with God. Rescuing incapacitates them from doing things on their own.

I will never forget when my son learned to ride a bike.  I tried to teach him a year prior but he had no interest. He finally wanted to play with the other boys in the neighborhood who all had bikes so he had to learn.  We were out side and he fell many times. I tried to rush in and help but he kept pushing me away. I felt so sad to see him cry.  At one point he was about to give up and there was my que. I encouraged him with my words and he got back up again. After several more tries and frustrations he was off and riding on his own.

I have learned the very best thing I can do as a mom is be there for advice and encouragement but I cannot put him in a bubble, I cannot rescue him from trial, and I cannot allow him to do whatever he wants.  I am the parent and he is the child.  I grow the most in my life through pain and trial and I see the same pattern in my son.  As he is suffering we talk through it. I remind him that it's okay to suffer and it's part of life. I remind him that God sees him and is forming his character through the trials. I remind him that to be a Christ follower he will suffer for the kingdom of God. Part of Love actually means to "long suffer" for the good of another person.

Once I repented (changed my mind) about trials, I was a better parent because I allowed my child to experience them too.  He will not isolate on video games, he will not have everything he asks for, he will not stay home from school because of this or that, he will not control me because I have been given the duty of showing him what it will mean to be a man with responsibilities. A man that works, forgives, loves, and is faithful.

I'm 35 Today

Today I am 35 years old.  I guess this is a pretty significant birthday.  My husband told me that 35 was not a big deal, but 36 was because you were on that other half of 30 that was nearing 40. Not sure about his logic. I’m fighting off the idea that he was down playing it so he wouldn’t have to make a big deal out of it.  He’s not very festive.  I guess in one year I will make sure he knows to celebrate it, after all, 36 is closer to the big 40.  I really want to call him a Jehovah’s Witness right now.

My birthday has always been important to me.  My mom used to make them special for me.  I remember being a little girl and my mom would buy me presents and celebrate.  She also would take me to the store to buy gifts for my friend’s birthday parties.  She gave me special moments in life. 

My most significant birthday was my 21^st.  I don’t remember going out and partying.  To the contrary, I partied, but that part of my life brought me great pain and emptiness.  I remember the eve of my 21^st birthday. I lived alone in an apartment in southern California.  I slept on the couch that night because I was so depressed. Being heavily dependent on marijuana at that time didn’t help the depressive state I was in either.  On the morning of my birthday I woke up on the couch with the light from the sliding glass door reaching me with its warmth.  Right upon waking I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Happy birthday to you.”

It makes me cry when I even think about it.  How lost I was and how desperate I was, that God spoke gently to me.  That was just one of many times I have heard his “still small voice” drawing me out of my sin and spurring me on toward salvation.  

So today I “celebrate” 35 years, my son is a middle schooler, my husband is already over 40, I have wrinkles when I smile,  some music is too fast and too loud, rollercoasters make me dizzy… basically, I am nearing middle age and if I die at 70 I am officially middle age.  And I would like to declare, I am so okay with this fact.  God has been so patient and kind with me. I long to be at home with Jesus! I no longer get presents, cakes, and parties and the cycle of life is rolling along but eternity is becoming more real to me every day.  It’s almost too good to be true. 

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. – Matthew 16:25

Consider Job's Friends

How do you handle a situation or a tragedy in the life of a friend? Do you comfort with silence? Do you love? Do you offer your words? If so, what would ever could you say? Do you speak God's words? How do you discern God's heart toward that person before you speak?

Job was a man in the Bible that lost everything. Job had three friends that came to him with the intention of mourning with him and comforting him (2:11).  With all their good intentions, we know that in the end of this story these men were in error (42:7).

I believe that there are some serious implications in the book of Job.  I do not want to make the errors that Bildad, Zophar, and Eliphaz did. As I read Job I gleaned the following about his friends and the text as a whole:

1. God makes it clear in chapter one that He, the Creator of all things, was testing Job. His calamities were designed by God. Job's friends misrepresented God by accusing their brother of having some unrepentant sin in his life (8:6).  Can you image how Job's pain increased as he did the best he could to bless the Lord in his life yet have some of the closest people to him point an accusing finger? Telling him that the God he loves has something against him? 


2. Through it all, Job knew his own private life was clean and he maintained his belief in God's sovereignty and would not curse him. Job questioned God because of his trial, but he did not reject nor curse him (2:10). This is a beautiful picture of God's power in the life of a believer. Even through the circumstantial trials, and condemning voices of other believers, Job did not lose his faith, walk away from, nor curse his God.

3. God allowed Job's friends to speak into his life despite their error even though it brought Job more grief. God was ready to be glorified in Job's suffering and he would be further glorified as the error of his friends was exposed. Job's initial trial, then enduring condemning words were going to bring God glory because Job refused to curse God. And his friends were about to learn a valuable lesson....
Job's friends were believers. I'm pretty sure they attended religious services and worship through animal sacrifices too. His friends spoke a lot of truths about God (8:20) but got it all wrong when they tried to discern Job's situation. We need to be so careful of our judgement of others. The measure we judge another, is the measure we will be judged. We also need to have a strong personal relationship with Jesus so we can weather the voices of other believers if they happen to be in opposition to God. Other people will not be standing with us on judgement day. We stand alone before God.

4. Job had a question for God and that question was "why".  We always ask that question don't we? I know I do when I suffer. Job's friend's attempted to answer that "why" question but they misrepresented God.  They thought surely Job has some sin in his life...but that was not the correct answer. God answered Job's question even though he did not sin with his lips during the ordeal (2:10).  I cannot fully touch the depth of the real answer why God decided to allow Satan to strike Job.  The quick answer is that he was testing him and glorifying himself. But take a moment to read God speaking to Job in chapter 38-41. I found it interesting that God actually uses sarcasm to get his point across (38:5) and we also learn many things such as;  God made borders for the ocean and it's proud waves, God reserves snow and hail in a treasury for the time of trouble, God has put wisdom in the mind and given understanding to the heart, God deprived an ostrich of wisdom yet made her eggs too strong to break and her legs faster than a horse, God made the extinct dragon to shout sparks of fire, be plated with prideful scales of protection, and watch the sorrow he causes dance before him! God why do you do what you do?  

"Shall the one who contends with the almighty correct him?" (40:2)
"Will you condemn me that you may be justified?" (40:8)
"The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom!" (Proverbs 9:10)

God had admiration for Job, he loved the fact the he feared Him and shunned evil. Job was humble. We see in this story that Job submitted to God's authority. Job's friends were prideful. They were not okay with not knowing the answers. Even a fourth person came on the scene named Elihu. He was wrathful against Job because Job maintained his innocence (32:2). He was also wrathful against the three friends because they didn't come up with an answer (32:5). Can we be okay in not controlling others? Can we be ok with not controlling God and allowing God to speak? Once we are okay with these things we are humbling our self in the sight of God. We are allowing Him to be God in the lives of others. Job's three friends would have been better off loving Job without their many words as they did in the first seven days they were with him sitting in silence (2:13).


Fear is a great motivator for control. People like to control things because they are afraid of what could happen if they don't. But God's perfect love will cast out our fear! Job's friends may have been afraid of the suffering of Job, not wanting it to happen to them. They in turn had to be able to explain why the trials came upon Job- so they could predict how to avoid them.  His friends operated in fear and pride. Fear, pride, and unbelief are cancers. They cause us to be in error and allow ourselves to be deceived.  We serve a God that cares about our character more than our comfort. Trials produce character so we should not avoid them...we should not protect our children from them as well. God loved Job and allowed his suffering to shape his character and the character of his friends. I don't want to forget these many lessons in God's word...these lessons bring about the salvation of our souls.

The Voice Of Men

Have you ever been in a place in your life where the Holy Spirit is telling you to go in a certain direction with your life but people you deem important are telling you to go in a different direction?

When I walked through this situation it was one of the most challenging things I have experienced in my Christian walk. All the events were set up as a crossroads for me. Would I obey the voice of the Lord or would I obey man?

My decision was agonizing at times. I prayed, I asked, I listened, I pondered.  I went up on the mountain by myself to seek God and his will for my life. Ultimately I knew that I would be standing before Jesus one day to give an account of my life and would answer to him. No man's opinion built off his own understanding would be there standing with me.

The opposition from man was fierce: "You have a false peace", "You serve another master". I kept standing on my week knees not fully understanding what just hit me. When I received my answer from the Lord however, I had the strength to stand against the voice of man. 

The Holy Spirit was convicting me further to do something revolutionary to obey him. I had to lose my "righteous" spiritual standing in the eyes of men. I had to let go and walk into, what I thought would be lonely places. But when I "disobeyed" the voices of men, it wasn't a lonely place I went to at all! It was a place of peace traded in for bondage and freedom traded in for condemnation. No more would I look to a mere man to validate me spiritually or otherwise...I look to GOD and his word.

Sometimes our lives are attached to a persons own fears and insecurities. When we don't do what they say, they lose control. Which in turn, they lose power and they don't feel safe. Once you disobey them, they must condemn you as being in sin because their opinions have to be right. They have a reputation to uphold. But this is destructive because God does not do this to his own creation and neither should we.  We should never seek to control other people nor should we spiritually manipulate them to feel condemned if they do not obey us. If you truly believe someone to be in sin then intercede for them in prayer and trust God to deliver them...but leave room for God to be God. If the actions of others leave us feeling out of control then we may need to ask ourselves if we are living in fear of man, or fear of God. 

Usually the most painful things we experience bring about the most growth and produce the most fruit.

Proverbs 29:25
The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.

Led by the Spirit

I am really experiencing some freedoms lately at work, in my marriage, and in my life.  It seems like I am allowing God's words to come alive and I am relying on them more and more.  Recently the Lord posed a question to me that I couldn't answer right away; "Are you ready to trust me with everything yet." 

I remember being reluctant to answer yes because I was fearful of what he would allow into my life. Why was I afraid of my God? My God rescued me from my own life of sin when I was in my early twenties. He has done nothing but good in my life since then.  He brought me a man that is a strong leader because I desired to be led spiritually, he has always provided for my son and I financially as a single mom for almost a decade, and he has certainly spoke to me many times and taken me through many experiences that would teach me to trust him.

I finally answered yes, that I will trust him with everything. A few weeks later something has come into my life that will now change my new family forever.  And God in his sovereignty already prepared my heart by asking if I was ready to trust him with everything. I am almost laughing at my words I spoke to a friend in 2005 "I want an adventure, I don't want to be a single mom in an apartment for the rest of my life." 

Well my adventure has begun and my new husband is the perfect partner for it. We both share a similar conviction for the kingdom of God instead of letting our American Dream desires crowd out spiritual things.  And every year it twists and turns. God has never allowed any kind of complacency in my walk with him, whether it be financial or spiritual.  He is always growing me and challenging me. I need to know this is because he loves me and I am ready to trust him with every area of my life. I am willing to choose what will glorify him instead comfort my flesh. 

Fear? What is that? 

I will take my fears and anxieties and dissipate them in prayer! Oh how it really works! My whole day can loom with giant sized problems yet I can walk that day without fear because my God has plans for me and will work all things out according to his will for me. Even evil things. 

Thank you Jesus. You are worth more than any comfort this life has to offer. 

Mormons are not Christians

The Angel Moroni giving Joseph Smith new revelations in the early 1800's, but in Galatians 1:8 it states that if any angel preaches another gospel "let him be cursed."

Since living in Utah I have been confronted with people, situations, and doctrine that would question my faith.  I have come to a few conclusions.  ANY twisting of scripture is from hell itself and takes authority away from Jesus being the only way to God.

I have been heavily thinking about the danger of Mormonism in particular.  These people have made a whole culture out of their religion.  I was reading on LDS.org and was overwhelmed.  This religion has so many rules and regulations put on them in order to be considered righteous. They even tell them what underwear to wear, and how to wear it.

I know 100% that Mormonism, Catholicism, Islam etc... are from the very pit of hell. Jesus said, "I am the way the truth and the life. No man comes to the father (God) but through me." John 14:6. Each of these religions base salvation on Jesus...and our works.  But the Bible clearly tells us salvation is a free gift so no man can boast about their works. (Ephesians 2:9) Making Jesus the Lord of my life has caused me to do good works because I love him. But my works don't save me, my faith that Christ covers my sin does.

We need to examine everything the LDS church is teaching. Let's take baptizing for the dead. They use a living "proxy" person to baptize a person who has already died and not yet been baptized. When we look at the account of Jesus on the cross in Luke 23, Jesus clearly tells the man, "Today you will be with me in paradise."  Baptism for the dead is another belief of the Mormon church that is unbiblical.  The Bible doesn't teach that you must be baptized to be saved from your sins. Being baptized should be done, yet it is a profession of faith but does not grant you salvation nor secure you a better place in the afterlife.

What about being married for eternity? The Mormon church says "we are driven by our doctrine that teaches that marriage and families can continue beyond this life." http://mormon.org/family-history/  But the Bible clearly teaches in Mark 12:25 "When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven."

This is not about hating LDS people or making fun of them. This is about Satan and his twisting of scripture to keep people from salvation by focusing on their works. Why would Mormons even follow the Bible (too) if their book contradicts it in many foundational ways? It is because Satan has concocted Mormonism! He wants "just enough truth" mixed with his lie so he can hook more people. Satan will cause people to say "Mormons are Christian, they believe in Jesus." Mormons are not Christians! Mormonism is belief in a false Jesus and a false God.


Other troubling Mormon beliefs:

Those who choose not to follow our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will receive a reward according to what they have done in this life, but they will not enjoy the glory of living in the presence of God. http://mormon.org/faq/eternal-life-belief/

8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.
http://mormon.org/articles-of-faith?gclid=CNqv0uzUo7ACFQF_hwodEVo-YA

Pray for Mormons and speak the truth in love to them. It is then God's job to help them see truth.  Pray they they will want to see truth because many times they have to go against their whole families in order to leave the LDS cult.

Abundant Life Academy

I am currently working at a Christian therapeutic boarding school, an "Early intervention for troubled teens".  I really never knew that these schools existed until God placed me in one as an employee, but to be more accurate, a ministry worker.  We are not behavior modification, where the focus is only on the behavior and punishment/rewards are delved out accordingly.  We are constantly looking for opportunities to speak truth and extend the love of Jesus in a non-judgmental atmosphere. When our students mess up, and they sure do, the last thing we do is flip out, and the first thing we do is use it as an opportunity to extend grace. We do have "choice and consequence" as well as "positive solutions" when sin occurs, but these young people will never be able to walk away from this place not knowing their sin patterns and the destruction that it will cause because they are confronted with these issues daily.  Whether a student decides to choose Christ or not is their decision, and at our school it always will be theirs alone.  The students that are most successful when they depart are the ones that have opened themselves up to a relationship with Christ.    

When I was a teenager I was doing all the things that these teens were doing before their parents made the difficult choice to send them away.  I was sneaky, I was on drugs, I was completely lost.  I remember having a dream when I was 17 years old and living with my much older boyfriend. I dreamed I was at an outdoor concert , similar to Woodstock in the hippie era, or Lollapalooza, which a younger generation may remember.  Basically a gathering of music, sex, drugs, and rock n' roll.  I was standing near a tree and was looking out over a grassy field as hundreds of teenagers sat together on blankets.  All of a sudden the landscape of young people turned into an ocean and all I could see were hands reaching up out of the water for help.  During the time of this dream I professed belief in "Jesus" but didn't know the first thing about having a relationship with him or knew that one even existed.

I could have used a school like Abundant Life Academy back then. Sometimes young people can be so angry, so rebellious, that putting them completely out of their comfort zone and stripping them of everything that they took for granted in a controlled, safe environment can be a very good thing.

But I hit many brick walls in my young years and made many far reaching mistakes until the age of 23 when God did that work in my heart and I gave my life to Christ.  So now 17 years after the dream I remember so well I find myself working in the midst of a generation of young people.

When working at ALA there are not too many dull moments. There are also many self-reflecting experiences for not just the students, but staff as well.  It really takes a special kind of person to work in this industry. I think I have seen the most successful staff are the ones that are willing to love unconditionally, forgive, apologize, search their own hearts for faults, and repent when necessary.

Recently God had been showing me how much my flesh really controlled my life. How self focused I had become. He took me through a process of showing me how to control my emotions. Once that was accomplished I was able to see so clearly how self focused I really have been. I found myself complaining a lot even though God has given to me so much of what I have prayed for. I literally spent many years in prayer for something and I have now received it.

I then began to ask God to change me. To help me be more like I was when I first became a Christian.  I was always asking God spirit who I could bless and opportunities to snatch someone from the fire.  The very next day he answered my prayer.   At ALA he brought about a situation with a young man. He needed freedom and God set a course in motion for him.  I was so blessed that God answered my prayers so quickly. Matter of fact I spent most of the day with the kids, speaking life. My paperwork is always stacking up and when I got to my office I only had two hours to work. It was the most productive two hours I ever had in there! If only I can be about God's business with his heart leading me I could accomplish so many eternal things with each 24 hour period I am given.

"I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell."
-C.T. Studd on evangelism outside the church

Tragedies

I'm thinking about tragedy today. Not just the event itself but all the feelings and implications of tragedy in our lives after they have occurred.  Tragedy is not just a major event, I believe some tragedies can be on a smaller scale but can certainly rock someones life nonetheless.

I recently had a small scale tragedy. I owned a pet for five months and he got free. Someone picked him up off the main road and reported it to a shelter. She reported him but decided to give him to a friend. When I called the shelter and got in touch with this lady, her "friend" had said the dog ran away from him as well.  Now I don't want to accuse anyone of lying, the dog was not neutered and was looking for a mate.  He wandered away from us so he may have truly wondered away from this other person as well.

So, he is gone. If I get him back at this point I will know God has heard my prayers. But the point is, my heart is grieving. God in fact provided this little guy for me when I was going through a lot of change in my life. This little dog would comfort my heart because he loved me. He would chase his tail when I cried and would sit up like a prairie dog, beg for bacon, and have me in stitches.  He used to run in my room or wherever I was during opportune times to uplift my spirit. He was another picture of God's grace to me.

I was careless with him. I never bought him a collar. If I did, I'm sure that lady would have called me instead of given him to someone.  I also let him outside on a couple mornings I was too lazy to walk out to the dog pen. I thought he was used to running free anyway. I knew better than that though. Now he is gone because of my laziness. Sometimes our tragedies can be caused because of our carelessness.

Other times our tragedies are caused by another persons hard heart.  I have certainly had one of those. And I know someone who is walking through one of those tragedies right now. Mine was a BIG tragedy...a painful, crushing, ongoing, bitter tragedy. How dare that other person cause a tragedy in my life!

And finally, we have those tragedies that just happen. Either by accident, or genetics, or time, or chance.
I spoke with a mom today who's teenage son is blind.  This young man is bitter, depressed, and angry. My sufferings have been different than her sufferings. My heart can never know her bitterness and her heart can never know mine.

Lord, what should I do when these things happen to me? Should I blame YOU for some of my tragedies? My flesh wants to react. My flesh wants someone to pay for them.  Sometimes I want you to pay for them.  

Will I be angry with you Lord, if you never give me the answers I seek. If you never tell me "why" in my timing? Will I be disagreeable with you, will I not trust you if my tragedy is an ongoing one and spans over the years?

I'm going to choose to trust you God. I'm going to trust you with the duration of my tragedy.  However long, however much it costs me, by your grace, help me to trust you. Take my need for justice, take my bitterness, and my anger. It's too much of a load for me to carry. Help me forgive, just as you forgave when it was undeserved.

I love you. Let me never forget that you rescued my darkened mind and enlightened me. You set me free as I was practicing many sins. Why should I let go of your hand now?  Why the lack of trust now? I will not blame you...I love you!