Let Them Fail

My son is now twelve and I have been shown an excellent parenting tip.

  My new husband has actually helped me discover this treasure.  I started to discover it on my own but didn't completely live it. Not sure why, maybe it's because giving people what they want takes no effort on my part, but resisting them does.

 I think we have raised a generation of children who have been given what they wanted and not told no very often.

Simply, here it is. Tell them NO and let them fail.  Both of these things are vital.  When we don't set boundaries that cannot be passed and tell them no they see people as objects. When they grow up parents, siblings, friends, and spouses are seen as what they can do for them, not what can be done for the other person.

When a child is rescued from every failure they never experience disappointment. Disappointment can lead us to a relationship with God. Rescuing incapacitates them from doing things on their own.

I will never forget when my son learned to ride a bike.  I tried to teach him a year prior but he had no interest. He finally wanted to play with the other boys in the neighborhood who all had bikes so he had to learn.  We were out side and he fell many times. I tried to rush in and help but he kept pushing me away. I felt so sad to see him cry.  At one point he was about to give up and there was my que. I encouraged him with my words and he got back up again. After several more tries and frustrations he was off and riding on his own.

I have learned the very best thing I can do as a mom is be there for advice and encouragement but I cannot put him in a bubble, I cannot rescue him from trial, and I cannot allow him to do whatever he wants.  I am the parent and he is the child.  I grow the most in my life through pain and trial and I see the same pattern in my son.  As he is suffering we talk through it. I remind him that it's okay to suffer and it's part of life. I remind him that God sees him and is forming his character through the trials. I remind him that to be a Christ follower he will suffer for the kingdom of God. Part of Love actually means to "long suffer" for the good of another person.

Once I repented (changed my mind) about trials, I was a better parent because I allowed my child to experience them too.  He will not isolate on video games, he will not have everything he asks for, he will not stay home from school because of this or that, he will not control me because I have been given the duty of showing him what it will mean to be a man with responsibilities. A man that works, forgives, loves, and is faithful.

I'm 35 Today

Today I am 35 years old.  I guess this is a pretty significant birthday.  My husband told me that 35 was not a big deal, but 36 was because you were on that other half of 30 that was nearing 40. Not sure about his logic. I’m fighting off the idea that he was down playing it so he wouldn’t have to make a big deal out of it.  He’s not very festive.  I guess in one year I will make sure he knows to celebrate it, after all, 36 is closer to the big 40.  I really want to call him a Jehovah’s Witness right now.

My birthday has always been important to me.  My mom used to make them special for me.  I remember being a little girl and my mom would buy me presents and celebrate.  She also would take me to the store to buy gifts for my friend’s birthday parties.  She gave me special moments in life. 

My most significant birthday was my 21^st.  I don’t remember going out and partying.  To the contrary, I partied, but that part of my life brought me great pain and emptiness.  I remember the eve of my 21^st birthday. I lived alone in an apartment in southern California.  I slept on the couch that night because I was so depressed. Being heavily dependent on marijuana at that time didn’t help the depressive state I was in either.  On the morning of my birthday I woke up on the couch with the light from the sliding glass door reaching me with its warmth.  Right upon waking I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Happy birthday to you.”

It makes me cry when I even think about it.  How lost I was and how desperate I was, that God spoke gently to me.  That was just one of many times I have heard his “still small voice” drawing me out of my sin and spurring me on toward salvation.  

So today I “celebrate” 35 years, my son is a middle schooler, my husband is already over 40, I have wrinkles when I smile,  some music is too fast and too loud, rollercoasters make me dizzy… basically, I am nearing middle age and if I die at 70 I am officially middle age.  And I would like to declare, I am so okay with this fact.  God has been so patient and kind with me. I long to be at home with Jesus! I no longer get presents, cakes, and parties and the cycle of life is rolling along but eternity is becoming more real to me every day.  It’s almost too good to be true. 

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. – Matthew 16:25