The Past

I was driving to an evening meeting for work and decided to stop at a convenience store for some junk food. I almost did not stop because I was trying to get back into the gym/health routine. But I turned into the parking lot anyway. When I got what I wanted I went up to the cashier. Right away I knew who she was even though I had not seen her face since I was 18 years old. In an instant I also knew the encounter was not random, nor was it chance.

With one look, her face brought me back 15 years....

         ...to the rebelliousness, the pain, the longing for love,
              the always striving but never being fulfilled.


The cashier was my friend such a long time ago. But I had been rescued from that life.  I had been graciously pulled out of the darkness of despair and into the marvelous light that I identify with now. Yet standing before me was someone who was just like me all those years ago. Someone who has not yet been rescued like I was.

As I kept in contact with my old friend I had a deep question answered that I have pondered in my heart for a long time. What would my life be like now if Jesus didn't rescue me from myself?

I would still have a desperate neediness that was not filled. I would still have a river of cursings flowing from my heart and out of my mouth. I would still be grasping at relationships, alcohol and drugs to fill my emptiness. And probably the most damaging of all, because of my poor choices, I would have everything sacred that belonged to me ripped out of my angry hands.

GOD IS LOVE-GOD IS LOVE-GOD IS LOVE
and JESUS is God's demonstration of that love to us.

There is no righteousness in me apart from Jesus Christ. No religion, good deeds, or self-determination changed who I was and brought me to where I am today.  It was only the transforming power of a Holy God. 

Sometimes, when I feel like the road is too hard I will ask God in anger "Why didn't you just leave me in my sin? It was easier!"  And I reflect....it was him that brought me out of the deep pit. I was spiritually dead while my body was still alive. I did not know how to do anything but be a slave to sin.  I could not live a life that displayed love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control unless the spirit of God controlled my life.

Jesus said we must be born again by the Holy Spirit to enter the kingdom of God upon death.  Pride will not make it, neither will doing good things.    

When I am in my right mind I am so thankful. I have been rescued.  And I want my friend to be rescued too. I see her losing what is precious to her. I see her allowing herself to be damaged but I know that Jesus loves her with the same fervency he loves me with. I know that our meeting was not random chance and it is my job to pray that she will receive salvation as I have.  To me, this is a reason to praise him.

God's ways are harder to discern than the pathways of the wind and are as mysterious as a tiny baby being formed in the dark of the womb.