For whatever reason I was put in a state of singleness for nine years. I believe Jesus was teaching me that he was enough for me. Through that season, I found myself floundering between contentment and impatience.
In the midst of it the Holy Spirit spoke to me one night, "I have never been able to be alone with you. Ever since you were a little girl you always wanted more than just me."
Really? Gosh. I didn't even know how to take that. I felt sad. I always desired more than the God who created me. I love those moments though. Those moments of clarity when God shows us our real condition. Sure it can be painful but hearing the truth can bring new life too.
God then started to show me just how perfectly he loved me. One time I bought a pair of really great earings. I started to admire them, and me in them, and I was taking way too many pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror...(you know) and he spoke again, "It's not the earings that make you beautiful, it's your heart."
Wow. Really? Your like that much of a close personal God? You tell me something so breath taking...something I have never even heard from a man my entire life? You mean, you could care less about my outward appearance and your looking into my heart? You mean I don't have to look a certain way or strive for you to love me? Sigh. That's so...liberating.
So now a wonderful man is in my life. He has the spirit of God living in him. It's amazing. He is amazing. I could write another blog about human love....But one day he, well, acted like a man. Rrrr! And I brought it before the Lord. And he said... "No MAN can love you perfectly."
What?! Your saying a marriage isn't the defining event of my life? I haven't entered heavenly bliss? My bubble was kinda bursted. Well, not really. But I am so glad that Jesus reminded me that HE has to be the Lord of my life no matter what happens.
I thought of what I was told through all the striving and years by myself. "What you are looking for is me."
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