"Just Listen"

Yesterday I had the best day. I feared nothing and was walking in victorious faith, and then there was today. It was awful. I forced myself out of bed and after a Starbucks run I made it into work.  I gave my forced smiles and hello's to coworkers and started my day.  I did have that truth in the back of my mind that I am to live by faith and not my feelings. I am to believe what God says about me and where he is taking me in life and not get side tracked by my circumstances, discouraging voices of others, and my own tendency to believe lies. Knowing this got me to work this morning.

I know in the past when I forced myself to do what I am supposed to do out of obedience, that God would bless me. Today was one of those days.  A student came up to me pretty early on in the day and asked to speak with me. Normally when she needs to talk to me her countenance is discouraged and she needs some encouragement.  She is a believer and when I speak of Jesus and spiritual things she leaves our conversation encouraged. But today was different. Our roles were reversed. I was discouraged and her face was shining.  Her joy was contagious.

She told me that she had recently heard the "still small voice" of God. She said she had been upset about how her situation with her peers had been going and how the girls had been struggling with one another. She cried out to God as to what to do.

She then heard his voice, "Just Listen".  She knew he was telling her to sit and listen to them. When she obeyed his voice she was then given even greater wisdom.  He showed her different reasons why one of girls acted the way she did. It gave her more compassion for her peers as she just listened.

By this point in this young woman's conversation with me I was completely filled with faith again, ready to walk in victory and strength, without fear.  I was happy that she is now experiencing that intimacy with the Lord that he desires with all of us...but to get it we need to let go of ourselves and in humility seek him with a whole heart.  There is no doubt in my mind that if any person pursues God in this way he will take them on an adventure that will result in the salvation of peoples souls.

This morning my student became my teacher and it was affirmed that I am in the right place. I know seasons change but for now I am where I am and I'm learning to die to my perceived rights and my comfort in order to bless others.  This is so much more rewarding and exciting and more difficult (for real) than the life that I used to live.  I can only hope to mirror my teacher Jesus Christ in greater intensity as I am taken through these tests of faith.

What is my greatest flaw Lord?

My soul thirsts for you; 

my whole body longs for you. 

Psalm 63:1 

I was just telling my husband at dinner that I feel what is described in the above Psalm. I just don't have an agenda anymore. I don't want anything but Him. I want to have more kids. I want a comfortable life. I don't want trials, but none of that really matters. What matters to me at this moment is my longing to be one with Christ. To be at home with him, to learn all about him, to experience his power and great wisdom.

Yet I am in a big trial. I'm smack dab in the midst of a whopping trial.  The Bible says trials would come so I am not responding like something strange is happening to me; instead I sat on the back patio in the cool night air and stared at the stars.

And there it happened. I allowed my soul to long for him. I stared out at the majesty of his stars and allowed the tears to fall. I accepted that I am in a trial and my good father knows about it. For once in my life I embraced the trial, knowing it was in the will of God for me to suffer. But I did question! My father who formed me knows I'm too tenacious for anything less.

How long God? How long will this trial last? Then I wondered why I am am required to walk in faith and not by sight. I know that God will not waste a moment of my life. And finally, the resolution to my questioning... 

I asked him: "What is my greatest flaw Lord? What do I need to work on?"  I thought he was going to tell me to go and apologize to my husband (ahh marital bliss!) 

But I heard only one word within me, "Endurance."

Oh his majesty. His one word satisfied me. His one word proved that this trial is not in vain and he is guiding me and shaping me through it.  I've also been realizing that if his people will stay in a trial until it is finished, without bitterness, he will do things for his kingdom that will be far reaching. 

Ok Lord. My soul longs to return to you, but if that is what you require of me I will study and practice endurance -in your strength.

Thank you

endurance 

1. The measure of a person's stamina or persistence.

   He has great endurance, he ran a marathon and then rode his bicycle home.

2. Ability to endure hardship.