"Just Listen"

Yesterday I had the best day. I feared nothing and was walking in victorious faith, and then there was today. It was awful. I forced myself out of bed and after a Starbucks run I made it into work.  I gave my forced smiles and hello's to coworkers and started my day.  I did have that truth in the back of my mind that I am to live by faith and not my feelings. I am to believe what God says about me and where he is taking me in life and not get side tracked by my circumstances, discouraging voices of others, and my own tendency to believe lies. Knowing this got me to work this morning.

I know in the past when I forced myself to do what I am supposed to do out of obedience, that God would bless me. Today was one of those days.  A student came up to me pretty early on in the day and asked to speak with me. Normally when she needs to talk to me her countenance is discouraged and she needs some encouragement.  She is a believer and when I speak of Jesus and spiritual things she leaves our conversation encouraged. But today was different. Our roles were reversed. I was discouraged and her face was shining.  Her joy was contagious.

She told me that she had recently heard the "still small voice" of God. She said she had been upset about how her situation with her peers had been going and how the girls had been struggling with one another. She cried out to God as to what to do.

She then heard his voice, "Just Listen".  She knew he was telling her to sit and listen to them. When she obeyed his voice she was then given even greater wisdom.  He showed her different reasons why one of girls acted the way she did. It gave her more compassion for her peers as she just listened.

By this point in this young woman's conversation with me I was completely filled with faith again, ready to walk in victory and strength, without fear.  I was happy that she is now experiencing that intimacy with the Lord that he desires with all of us...but to get it we need to let go of ourselves and in humility seek him with a whole heart.  There is no doubt in my mind that if any person pursues God in this way he will take them on an adventure that will result in the salvation of peoples souls.

This morning my student became my teacher and it was affirmed that I am in the right place. I know seasons change but for now I am where I am and I'm learning to die to my perceived rights and my comfort in order to bless others.  This is so much more rewarding and exciting and more difficult (for real) than the life that I used to live.  I can only hope to mirror my teacher Jesus Christ in greater intensity as I am taken through these tests of faith.

What is my greatest flaw Lord?

My soul thirsts for you; 

my whole body longs for you. 

Psalm 63:1 

I was just telling my husband at dinner that I feel what is described in the above Psalm. I just don't have an agenda anymore. I don't want anything but Him. I want to have more kids. I want a comfortable life. I don't want trials, but none of that really matters. What matters to me at this moment is my longing to be one with Christ. To be at home with him, to learn all about him, to experience his power and great wisdom.

Yet I am in a big trial. I'm smack dab in the midst of a whopping trial.  The Bible says trials would come so I am not responding like something strange is happening to me; instead I sat on the back patio in the cool night air and stared at the stars.

And there it happened. I allowed my soul to long for him. I stared out at the majesty of his stars and allowed the tears to fall. I accepted that I am in a trial and my good father knows about it. For once in my life I embraced the trial, knowing it was in the will of God for me to suffer. But I did question! My father who formed me knows I'm too tenacious for anything less.

How long God? How long will this trial last? Then I wondered why I am am required to walk in faith and not by sight. I know that God will not waste a moment of my life. And finally, the resolution to my questioning... 

I asked him: "What is my greatest flaw Lord? What do I need to work on?"  I thought he was going to tell me to go and apologize to my husband (ahh marital bliss!) 

But I heard only one word within me, "Endurance."

Oh his majesty. His one word satisfied me. His one word proved that this trial is not in vain and he is guiding me and shaping me through it.  I've also been realizing that if his people will stay in a trial until it is finished, without bitterness, he will do things for his kingdom that will be far reaching. 

Ok Lord. My soul longs to return to you, but if that is what you require of me I will study and practice endurance -in your strength.

Thank you

endurance 

1. The measure of a person's stamina or persistence.

   He has great endurance, he ran a marathon and then rode his bicycle home.

2. Ability to endure hardship.

Let Them Fail

My son is now twelve and I have been shown an excellent parenting tip.

  My new husband has actually helped me discover this treasure.  I started to discover it on my own but didn't completely live it. Not sure why, maybe it's because giving people what they want takes no effort on my part, but resisting them does.

 I think we have raised a generation of children who have been given what they wanted and not told no very often.

Simply, here it is. Tell them NO and let them fail.  Both of these things are vital.  When we don't set boundaries that cannot be passed and tell them no they see people as objects. When they grow up parents, siblings, friends, and spouses are seen as what they can do for them, not what can be done for the other person.

When a child is rescued from every failure they never experience disappointment. Disappointment can lead us to a relationship with God. Rescuing incapacitates them from doing things on their own.

I will never forget when my son learned to ride a bike.  I tried to teach him a year prior but he had no interest. He finally wanted to play with the other boys in the neighborhood who all had bikes so he had to learn.  We were out side and he fell many times. I tried to rush in and help but he kept pushing me away. I felt so sad to see him cry.  At one point he was about to give up and there was my que. I encouraged him with my words and he got back up again. After several more tries and frustrations he was off and riding on his own.

I have learned the very best thing I can do as a mom is be there for advice and encouragement but I cannot put him in a bubble, I cannot rescue him from trial, and I cannot allow him to do whatever he wants.  I am the parent and he is the child.  I grow the most in my life through pain and trial and I see the same pattern in my son.  As he is suffering we talk through it. I remind him that it's okay to suffer and it's part of life. I remind him that God sees him and is forming his character through the trials. I remind him that to be a Christ follower he will suffer for the kingdom of God. Part of Love actually means to "long suffer" for the good of another person.

Once I repented (changed my mind) about trials, I was a better parent because I allowed my child to experience them too.  He will not isolate on video games, he will not have everything he asks for, he will not stay home from school because of this or that, he will not control me because I have been given the duty of showing him what it will mean to be a man with responsibilities. A man that works, forgives, loves, and is faithful.

I'm 35 Today

Today I am 35 years old.  I guess this is a pretty significant birthday.  My husband told me that 35 was not a big deal, but 36 was because you were on that other half of 30 that was nearing 40. Not sure about his logic. I’m fighting off the idea that he was down playing it so he wouldn’t have to make a big deal out of it.  He’s not very festive.  I guess in one year I will make sure he knows to celebrate it, after all, 36 is closer to the big 40.  I really want to call him a Jehovah’s Witness right now.

My birthday has always been important to me.  My mom used to make them special for me.  I remember being a little girl and my mom would buy me presents and celebrate.  She also would take me to the store to buy gifts for my friend’s birthday parties.  She gave me special moments in life. 

My most significant birthday was my 21^st.  I don’t remember going out and partying.  To the contrary, I partied, but that part of my life brought me great pain and emptiness.  I remember the eve of my 21^st birthday. I lived alone in an apartment in southern California.  I slept on the couch that night because I was so depressed. Being heavily dependent on marijuana at that time didn’t help the depressive state I was in either.  On the morning of my birthday I woke up on the couch with the light from the sliding glass door reaching me with its warmth.  Right upon waking I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Happy birthday to you.”

It makes me cry when I even think about it.  How lost I was and how desperate I was, that God spoke gently to me.  That was just one of many times I have heard his “still small voice” drawing me out of my sin and spurring me on toward salvation.  

So today I “celebrate” 35 years, my son is a middle schooler, my husband is already over 40, I have wrinkles when I smile,  some music is too fast and too loud, rollercoasters make me dizzy… basically, I am nearing middle age and if I die at 70 I am officially middle age.  And I would like to declare, I am so okay with this fact.  God has been so patient and kind with me. I long to be at home with Jesus! I no longer get presents, cakes, and parties and the cycle of life is rolling along but eternity is becoming more real to me every day.  It’s almost too good to be true. 

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. – Matthew 16:25

Consider Job's Friends

How do you handle a situation or a tragedy in the life of a friend? Do you comfort with silence? Do you love? Do you offer your words? If so, what would ever could you say? Do you speak God's words? How do you discern God's heart toward that person before you speak?

Job was a man in the Bible that lost everything. Job had three friends that came to him with the intention of mourning with him and comforting him (2:11).  With all their good intentions, we know that in the end of this story these men were in error (42:7).

I believe that there are some serious implications in the book of Job.  I do not want to make the errors that Bildad, Zophar, and Eliphaz did. As I read Job I gleaned the following about his friends and the text as a whole:

1. God makes it clear in chapter one that He, the Creator of all things, was testing Job. His calamities were designed by God. Job's friends misrepresented God by accusing their brother of having some unrepentant sin in his life (8:6).  Can you image how Job's pain increased as he did the best he could to bless the Lord in his life yet have some of the closest people to him point an accusing finger? Telling him that the God he loves has something against him? 


2. Through it all, Job knew his own private life was clean and he maintained his belief in God's sovereignty and would not curse him. Job questioned God because of his trial, but he did not reject nor curse him (2:10). This is a beautiful picture of God's power in the life of a believer. Even through the circumstantial trials, and condemning voices of other believers, Job did not lose his faith, walk away from, nor curse his God.

3. God allowed Job's friends to speak into his life despite their error even though it brought Job more grief. God was ready to be glorified in Job's suffering and he would be further glorified as the error of his friends was exposed. Job's initial trial, then enduring condemning words were going to bring God glory because Job refused to curse God. And his friends were about to learn a valuable lesson....
Job's friends were believers. I'm pretty sure they attended religious services and worship through animal sacrifices too. His friends spoke a lot of truths about God (8:20) but got it all wrong when they tried to discern Job's situation. We need to be so careful of our judgement of others. The measure we judge another, is the measure we will be judged. We also need to have a strong personal relationship with Jesus so we can weather the voices of other believers if they happen to be in opposition to God. Other people will not be standing with us on judgement day. We stand alone before God.

4. Job had a question for God and that question was "why".  We always ask that question don't we? I know I do when I suffer. Job's friend's attempted to answer that "why" question but they misrepresented God.  They thought surely Job has some sin in his life...but that was not the correct answer. God answered Job's question even though he did not sin with his lips during the ordeal (2:10).  I cannot fully touch the depth of the real answer why God decided to allow Satan to strike Job.  The quick answer is that he was testing him and glorifying himself. But take a moment to read God speaking to Job in chapter 38-41. I found it interesting that God actually uses sarcasm to get his point across (38:5) and we also learn many things such as;  God made borders for the ocean and it's proud waves, God reserves snow and hail in a treasury for the time of trouble, God has put wisdom in the mind and given understanding to the heart, God deprived an ostrich of wisdom yet made her eggs too strong to break and her legs faster than a horse, God made the extinct dragon to shout sparks of fire, be plated with prideful scales of protection, and watch the sorrow he causes dance before him! God why do you do what you do?  

"Shall the one who contends with the almighty correct him?" (40:2)
"Will you condemn me that you may be justified?" (40:8)
"The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom!" (Proverbs 9:10)

God had admiration for Job, he loved the fact the he feared Him and shunned evil. Job was humble. We see in this story that Job submitted to God's authority. Job's friends were prideful. They were not okay with not knowing the answers. Even a fourth person came on the scene named Elihu. He was wrathful against Job because Job maintained his innocence (32:2). He was also wrathful against the three friends because they didn't come up with an answer (32:5). Can we be okay in not controlling others? Can we be ok with not controlling God and allowing God to speak? Once we are okay with these things we are humbling our self in the sight of God. We are allowing Him to be God in the lives of others. Job's three friends would have been better off loving Job without their many words as they did in the first seven days they were with him sitting in silence (2:13).


Fear is a great motivator for control. People like to control things because they are afraid of what could happen if they don't. But God's perfect love will cast out our fear! Job's friends may have been afraid of the suffering of Job, not wanting it to happen to them. They in turn had to be able to explain why the trials came upon Job- so they could predict how to avoid them.  His friends operated in fear and pride. Fear, pride, and unbelief are cancers. They cause us to be in error and allow ourselves to be deceived.  We serve a God that cares about our character more than our comfort. Trials produce character so we should not avoid them...we should not protect our children from them as well. God loved Job and allowed his suffering to shape his character and the character of his friends. I don't want to forget these many lessons in God's word...these lessons bring about the salvation of our souls.

The Voice Of Men

Have you ever been in a place in your life where the Holy Spirit is telling you to go in a certain direction with your life but people you deem important are telling you to go in a different direction?

When I walked through this situation it was one of the most challenging things I have experienced in my Christian walk. All the events were set up as a crossroads for me. Would I obey the voice of the Lord or would I obey man?

My decision was agonizing at times. I prayed, I asked, I listened, I pondered.  I went up on the mountain by myself to seek God and his will for my life. Ultimately I knew that I would be standing before Jesus one day to give an account of my life and would answer to him. No man's opinion built off his own understanding would be there standing with me.

The opposition from man was fierce: "You have a false peace", "You serve another master". I kept standing on my week knees not fully understanding what just hit me. When I received my answer from the Lord however, I had the strength to stand against the voice of man. 

The Holy Spirit was convicting me further to do something revolutionary to obey him. I had to lose my "righteous" spiritual standing in the eyes of men. I had to let go and walk into, what I thought would be lonely places. But when I "disobeyed" the voices of men, it wasn't a lonely place I went to at all! It was a place of peace traded in for bondage and freedom traded in for condemnation. No more would I look to a mere man to validate me spiritually or otherwise...I look to GOD and his word.

Sometimes our lives are attached to a persons own fears and insecurities. When we don't do what they say, they lose control. Which in turn, they lose power and they don't feel safe. Once you disobey them, they must condemn you as being in sin because their opinions have to be right. They have a reputation to uphold. But this is destructive because God does not do this to his own creation and neither should we.  We should never seek to control other people nor should we spiritually manipulate them to feel condemned if they do not obey us. If you truly believe someone to be in sin then intercede for them in prayer and trust God to deliver them...but leave room for God to be God. If the actions of others leave us feeling out of control then we may need to ask ourselves if we are living in fear of man, or fear of God. 

Usually the most painful things we experience bring about the most growth and produce the most fruit.

Proverbs 29:25
The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.

Led by the Spirit

I am really experiencing some freedoms lately at work, in my marriage, and in my life.  It seems like I am allowing God's words to come alive and I am relying on them more and more.  Recently the Lord posed a question to me that I couldn't answer right away; "Are you ready to trust me with everything yet." 

I remember being reluctant to answer yes because I was fearful of what he would allow into my life. Why was I afraid of my God? My God rescued me from my own life of sin when I was in my early twenties. He has done nothing but good in my life since then.  He brought me a man that is a strong leader because I desired to be led spiritually, he has always provided for my son and I financially as a single mom for almost a decade, and he has certainly spoke to me many times and taken me through many experiences that would teach me to trust him.

I finally answered yes, that I will trust him with everything. A few weeks later something has come into my life that will now change my new family forever.  And God in his sovereignty already prepared my heart by asking if I was ready to trust him with everything. I am almost laughing at my words I spoke to a friend in 2005 "I want an adventure, I don't want to be a single mom in an apartment for the rest of my life." 

Well my adventure has begun and my new husband is the perfect partner for it. We both share a similar conviction for the kingdom of God instead of letting our American Dream desires crowd out spiritual things.  And every year it twists and turns. God has never allowed any kind of complacency in my walk with him, whether it be financial or spiritual.  He is always growing me and challenging me. I need to know this is because he loves me and I am ready to trust him with every area of my life. I am willing to choose what will glorify him instead comfort my flesh. 

Fear? What is that? 

I will take my fears and anxieties and dissipate them in prayer! Oh how it really works! My whole day can loom with giant sized problems yet I can walk that day without fear because my God has plans for me and will work all things out according to his will for me. Even evil things. 

Thank you Jesus. You are worth more than any comfort this life has to offer.