Today I am 35 years old.
I guess this is a pretty significant birthday. My husband told me that 35 was not a big
deal, but 36 was because you were on that other half of 30 that was nearing 40.
Not sure about his logic. I’m fighting off the idea that he was down playing it
so he wouldn’t have to make a big deal out of it. He’s not very festive. I guess in one year I will make sure he knows
to celebrate it, after all, 36 is closer to the big 40. I really want to call him a Jehovah’s Witness
right now.
My birthday has always been important to me. My mom used to make them special for me. I remember being a little girl and my mom
would buy me presents and celebrate. She
also would take me to the store to buy gifts for my friend’s birthday
parties. She gave me special moments in
life.
My most significant birthday was my 21st. I don’t remember going out and partying. To the contrary, I partied, but that part of
my life brought me great pain and emptiness.
I remember the eve of my 21st birthday. I lived alone in an
apartment in southern California. I
slept on the couch that night because I was so depressed. Being heavily dependent
on marijuana at that time didn’t help the depressive state I was in
either. On the morning of my birthday I
woke up on the couch with the light from the sliding glass door reaching me
with its warmth. Right upon waking I
heard the Holy Spirit say, “Happy birthday to you.”
It makes me cry when I even think about it. How lost I was and how desperate I was, that
God spoke gently to me. That was just
one of many times I have heard his “still small voice” drawing me out of my sin
and spurring me on toward salvation.
So today I “celebrate” 35 years, my son is a middle schooler,
my husband is already over 40, I have wrinkles when I smile, some music is too fast and too loud,
rollercoasters make me dizzy… basically, I am nearing middle age and if I die
at 70 I am officially middle age. And I
would like to declare, I am so okay with this fact. God has been so patient and kind with me. I
long to be at home with Jesus! I no longer get presents, cakes, and parties and
the cycle of life is rolling along but eternity is becoming more real to me
every day. It’s almost too good to be
true.
For whosoever will save
his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find
it. – Matthew 16:25
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